how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
