Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
