Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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