There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
