im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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