Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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