Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize