It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
