12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
