pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
