Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
