I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
