Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
