I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
