so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
