she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
