i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
