i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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