Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
