why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
