The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
