STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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