his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
