there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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