i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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