im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
