a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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