proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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