I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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