She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
