Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
