Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
