dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
