so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vodka?
Forever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
