A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
