i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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