dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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