I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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