i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everything about him screamed your future.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
