Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
