I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
