I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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