I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
