I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
