id be glad to
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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