I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
