Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.