Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
