what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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