so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
