This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I deserve this hangover.
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