The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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