Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just cropdusted the office
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
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I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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