coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
