He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
