i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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