Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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