I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
