I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
