That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
