I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
