Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
