The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
