batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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