Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
