the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
