I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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