i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
