I need to stop coming to work sober
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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