biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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