well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
