im six kinds of drunk right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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