Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
