The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
