Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
