the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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