i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
