brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
