his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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