I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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