For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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