Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
